In this series of blog posts, I wanted to share my struggles and how I defeated them. I hope that the retelling of the steady victories I made will encourage you and give you hope for yourself and your particular obstacles. Pornography. It’s just one of those words that makes you feel uncomfortable just hearing it or saying it. Maybe it’s because so many of us have been exposed to it, and we’re told to be ashamed of watching it. Or perhaps it’s because each of us innately understands that it’s something that we shouldn't view it.

I have been free from the destructive force of pornography for years now, and I want to share how you, and those around you, can be free too.

My Story

I experienced pornography for the first time at the age of 12. I was part of a group of an organization where I was preparing for a competition with a couple of other guys who were all a few years older than me. One of the days after practice, we were hanging out at one of the guy’s house, and he said, “Check this out!”

He turned on the TV and began playing a recording of what I think was a TV show. Without going into detail, there were topless women and very sketchy circumstances. I initially was drawn in, then I blushed and turned away, heading for the snack table to stare at the chips. The four guys immediately started mocking me, and my effort to run away. A few minutes later, I broke out in a bashful smile and walked back to soak in the intoxicating views.

That was how it started. Within a few weeks, I was using the family computer to search for pornography. I started looking for more and more types of rush-delivering content that kept coming at me like waves. I’m not sure if I ever ended up getting clinically addicted to it, but I certainly had intense neural pathways that had me dead-set on finding the next visual high.

I was found out at various times by my parents. They had never dealt with that behavior before and had a challenging time understanding how to help their stubborn and crafty son. I later realized that if a person doesn’t want freedom from pornography (or any other sin), no amount of assistance will help. He must want to be helped first.

My desire for the high that pornography gave me continued to grow through my teenage years and caused considerable tension between me and what I knew to be right. I paid lip-service to God and went to church most Sundays. I even occasionally helped my parents with the various kid and teenage ministries they ran during my adolescent years.

The fixation on pornography was a pervasive influence on the rest of my life, which seems to be a theme with everyone who heads that way. I became constantly irritable and insecure (something I’ll share more on in a future post). My relationships with friends, family, and girlfriends were a wreck, and I’m convinced that a large contributor to the disfunction was my pornography habit.

On a glorious Father’s Day in 2009, I finally gave up trying to run my life on my own and committed to putting Jesus as the central focus and leader of my life. I accepted what I knew to be right all along: Pornography would never give me the pleasure it promised. It would only distract me while it slowly suffocated my spirit and poisoned those around me. I needed a more meaningful and lasting satisfaction to run after.

You Can Be Free from Pornography

So how could I turn things around? It was certainly not overnight, and there was an incredible strain. I had to divert the locomotive weight of 7-year's worth of mental energy. Thankfully, the following Bible verse (and many others) helped me to realize that I could do it: "No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:37-39 ESV).

The word for “more than conquerors” literally means "to gain a surpassing victory,” according to Blue Letter Bible (which is an incredible resource). Not only would I be able to kick the habit, but I would do it with astonishing impact that went well beyond just not doing something anymore.

Once the desire and reassurance were there, it was possible to take steps toward freedom. If you’re reading this and want to ditch the burden of pornography, here are a few things I've learned:

1. Build your desire. You have to want it, so start to build a longing for things that you know cannot exist alongside a pornography habit. The most potent desire you can cultivate is for God. He is what all other pleasures whisper of, so we do well to pursue him.

2. Cut out your triggers. If you find that you start searching on your phone at 11:15 pm while you’re in bed, don’t keep your phone by your bed. If you have a more challenging time alone at night, spend time with friends who won’t fuel your temptation.

3. Get accountable. Being open with others may be embarrassing, but you cannot fight this alone. You have to find someone who will care for you and keep you going in the right direction. The ideal person is both tough and caring.

4. Be vulnerable. One of the biggest mistakes was what I wasn't willing to be vulnerable and transparent with the people to whom I was accountable. For accountability to work, you have to be open and quick to admit your faults (even when they don't ask you about your purity). Use software like Accountable2You to help you stay transparent with your use of electronics.

5. Spend time with God every morning. I’ve discussed this in previous blog posts: Your relationship with God is the most significant factor in your growth and genuine happiness. Don’t skimp. My strong recommendation is to make time to spend an hour with him every morning.

It took me about two years to completely break my pornography habit after I became a Christian. For those of us who are looking for something to happen quickly, this may be a disappointment. Each person is different, and in my case, I didn’t pursue freedom as intensely as I should have.

What is your story? I’d love to hear from you either in the comments section or by email. Please feel free to email me at everett.p.hill@icloud.com if you’d rather it be confidential.