The War for Identity: How Our Thoughts Shape Our Behaviors

In the depths of my soul, I still harbor the thought that I am not enough. It's an unwanted, incorrect, and destructive thought. It fights with the knowledge that I also hold that I am fully accepted and acceptable to God because of Jesus. I know that I am not alone in contending with the lie that people's opinion of each of us should define us. When I end a workweek well with someone complimenting my efforts, my weekend often looks great. If there was a conflict or something went wrong on a Friday afternoon, I struggle to find positive footing for my days off. When that is the case, it feels frustrating that my quality of life is dependent on others' opinions and that I don't have full control.

What is so interesting about this is that in those moments, my feelings seem to come from nowhere. When I reflect on them further, it is clear that my innermost thoughts are birthing these feelings. When I stop for a minute to figure out what I'm feeling, I peel back the onion to reveal a false thought about my identity. Thoughts like, "I am how they see me" or "I am only as valuable as my latest contribution" crop up. I am often surprised by these thoughts since they are so obviously false. How could I hold onto these thoughts?

The real freedom that we experience in Christ is to work backward from our actions to our feelings to our thoughts. Our thoughts influence our emotions, and our feelings influence our behaviors. Our root identity is the foundation for every thought, feeling, and behavior that we build. If we are to change the nature of our behaviors, we need to reset the foundation of our identity and thoughts.

Scripture strongly urges us to see the world from this paradigm and act accordingly:

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. (2 Corinthians 10:4-6, ESV)

In other words, our battle should not be with our feelings; we need to contend with our thoughts. Calling our minds a "battlefield" is an apt description, for that is where we fight the war for our joy. Once our thinking comes in line with truth, our feelings, which are most often the offshoots of our thoughts, will come into harmony with that truth.

Soul Searching

Schedule some time this week to write down some of the feelings you've had that negatively affect your life. Then, try to figure out what the thoughts are that are behind those feelings. Ask yourself "Why am I feeling this?" or "Why do I think that?" Once you have an answer, ask yourself why that's the answer. For example, if you say, "I feel angry when my kids don't listen to me," ask yourself what that is. If the answer is "Because I need control," then ask why again. Maybe the answer to that second question is, "My parents demonstrated that I always need to be perfect." Keep asking "Why?" until the answer resonates within the depths of your soul. Maybe the call of your identity is "I am inadequate," "I am dirty," or "I am alone."

Once you've done this uncomfortable but necessary work, talk with God about what you discovered. Also, find someone you trust to pray with you to address the deepest call of our soul. Finding your identity issue can be disheartening if you are not receiving support from God and others.

For some of us, God may mercifully heal your identity issues immediately. For many of us, it will be a lifelong process. As I mentioned at the beginning, I am still working to redefine my identity thoughts. Let's embrace the process and trust that God is shaping us into people who can enjoy him for eternity.